Here I am, two weeks out from the birth of my baby daughter, an oddball in among all the other young mums I know.
I admire their latest purchases for their kids - the teeny tiny sandals, the cute little onesies, the miniature biker jackets. I laugh (or cringe) at the myriad of talking toys (all requiring batteries), the educational plastic whatsits, the TV tie-in plush dolls.
I don't buy any of it.
One of my friends (due mid-year) commented recently how parenthood seems to be merely an excuse to buy thousands of dollars of often unnecessary equipment these days.
Do young parents really need a change table? Our baby daughter is changed on the kitchen table, just like I was by my parents when I was a bub.
Do babies really need 45 outfits (for every occasion), mini leather jackets, fifteen 'my first teddy bear' toys, and enough bunny rugs to stretch to the moon and back?
Every department and budget store worth its salt seems to publish 'baby must-have' lists that stretch almost as endlessly - one free book provided to me when I had my son even listed a Toyota Landcruiser on its 'must-have' list!
These lists seem designed to turn even the most budget-conscious parents into uber-consumers, and happy young parents into gibbering, quivering wrecks of parenthood, who forever wonder whether their child will suffer if they don't buy exactly the right electric swing and baby walker for their little bundle of joy.
Confidence and happiness gets twisted into insecurity, and security is sought in the purchase of yet more items that promise to fill the gaps and make parenthood a sure success.
Which is what consumerism is ultimately about, of course. Consumerism sells insecurities, then markets a dream in the form of products as a 'cure'.
As a society, we're spending more and more time at work, earning the dollars to buy the latest, the greatest, the prettiest and the best - but in the meanwhile we're losing touch with what's real and meaningful. Our kids might look great in the latest fashion, but what's the point if we're slinging them in child care 5 days a week to pay for it all?
Having the image of being the perfect, 'family beautiful' might be great on the outside, but we really need to question our priorities if we don't put our kids, their health, and the health of the planet above wearing trendy outfits on the ladder of importance.
With my baby girl I'm stepping away from the dream that is sold to us in catalogues and on TV. She's proudly wearing 90%+ hand-me-down clothes, and the only new items she wears are her nappies and baby socks (impossible to get second-hand).
I'm not saying I don't feel the pull of consumerism, luring me to the malls and the stores and the baby boutiques. I do. But as a member of The Compact, a serious Downshifter, and a longstanding Greenie, I know that my baby is just as happy in last year's baby fashions, and that the love and care and thought we spend on her is worth far more than any stupid Toyota Landcruiser.
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11 comments:
Yes, yes, yes!
How fantastic, your baby is very lucky to have you for a mum!
I had a friend of mine tell me about his niece the other day. She was born in the middle of December and his sister was given many clothes for her. It's been so hot and humid the baby has worn nothing but the same 5 or so singlets and nappies and maybe a wondersuit when it's a bit colder. She's already outgrown the many outfits she's been given and probably not even notice this years fashion pass her by as she's been asleep for the most part!
As AC said, babies really don't need heaps of clothes anyway.
Our beautiful little bub has heaps of hand-me-downs (thanks to a first cousin born almost exactly a year earlier), but has worn very few of the cute outfits.
Instead, we've been dressing her in the clothes that she's easiest to change in - legless, sleeveless all-in-one 'zoot suits' in hotter weather, and 'wondersuits' in the warmer weather. At night she's in easy-to-change nighties.
A note to anyone who is expecting a bub or needs to provide a gift for parents to be: choose the simplest, easiest outfits if you *need* to buy clothes. But when providing gifts, opt for something sensible like a nappy service voucher or nappies instead! The parents-to-be will thank you for it, while so many of the cute outfits will remain unworn.
Hi there! I'm a fellow Compacter from Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. I completely agree with your sentiments about what babies "need," and what new parents feel compelled to buy.
We are very fortunate to have an incredibly supportive community here that believes in sharing what they have and no longer need. When our daughter was born two years ago, everything we needed (including clothes, a baby swing, baby carrier, etc) was given to us by friends – all of it second hand and of course hardly used! The only things we had to purchase new were cloth diapers, receiving blankets, and baby bum cloths. And we still have an arrangement with another family where we share a portable crib/play pen for overnights in other places.
This just seems to make so much sense and I don't know why everyone doesn't do it for each other. Thanks for a great blog entry. Check out our blog for the Halifax Compacters at http://hfxcompacters2007.blogspot.com/.
Hi there! I'm a fellow Compacter from Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. I completely agree with your sentiments about what babies "need," and what parents feel compelled to buy.
We are very fortunate to have an incredibly supportive community that believes in sharing what they have and no longer need. When our daughter was born two years ago, everything we needed (including clothes, a baby swing, baby carrier, etc) was given to us by friends – all of it second hand and of course hardly used! The only things we had to purchase new were cloth diapers, receiving blankets, and baby bum cloths. And we still have an arrangement with another family where we share a portable crib/play pen for overnights in other places.
This just seems to make so much sense and I don't know why everyone doesn't do it for each other. Thanks for a great blog entry. Check out our blog for the Halifax Compacters at http://hfxcompacters2007.blogspot.com/.
ps. did you know your 'Shopping Sabbatical' got a mention in the following Canadian article:
http://www.canada.com/windsorstar/news/story.html?id=dbe3abba-9136-49d4-898e-558d46e5d091&p=1
Oh completely!
People buy so much unnecessary (and even weird) stuff for babies.
Although I have to say regarding the change table, I will probably try to scrounge a second-hand one, since bending over to change a baby on the kitchen table (a) seems like a recipe for a sore back and (b) ain't that convenient in the middle of the night in the bedroom.
We won't be getting a cot though, there's no earthly reason why baby can't share the bed with you til they're big enough for an actual bed. Nor a stroller (and I HATE those enormous ones that seem to be the pram equivalents of four-wheel drives - and their parents drive them the same way, without regard for people's ankles). Nor new clothes (and I can knit socks, so I'll make them out of scrap wool!)
Congratulations and thank you for sharing the story of your compacting young daughter!
Here in Iceland for some reason compacters see gifts for kids as the most difficult obstacle. For some odd reason we find it hard to give new born children a used gift.
This is not right I know and I found your comment very inspiring.
Our kids obviously need more clothing than yours, but they can just as well get them form older siblings or friends!
My daughter is 2 and a half now and is still quite happy with 99% of her clothes and toys being second-hand and wouldn't she be. Even the accumulation of second-hand toys seems excessive, most of the time she plays with rainwater, sand, plants and dirt outside or paint, crayons, scissors glue inside.
I've got an 8 month old daughter and I've been doing the shopping sabbatical for about 8 weeks now - though I have to admit I am buying second-hand clothes in sizes she hasn't grown into yet. (They're all second-hand, for one; and for two, if I didn't buy them second-hand, my MIL, who doesn't understand this, would buy her a new wardrobe of brand-new clothes; so I guess it's sort of justified.) One of my favorite things with the shopping sabbitical is that I have more time for her! Saturdays used to be spent running from shop to shop, ostensibly to do the grocery shopping, but of course I'd end up going to K-Mart and Target and Big W and buying "stuff" - and now my Saturdays are spent playing with the baby. It's so much nicer!
Rebekka, I've got a change table you're welcome to borrow on a semi-permanent basis (eg, you can have it until I've got my next kid if you want it). It's not the greatest, and you'll probably only want to use it for the first 6 months or so. I know once my baby started to move around a lot, I didn't feel safe using it with her, because she kept threatening to walk off it. But, it's second hand (third-hand or fourth-hand, more likely) and it'll save your kitchen table. I always hated changing my baby on the kitchen table because I think it's probably not quite sanitary. If you're interested, leave your e-mail address and I'll contact you. (I tried to create a Hotmail address just now and it wouldn't let me . . .)
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